Just gonna clock in a quick update.
First things first, i feel like i'm trapped in an endless vacuum of monetary drain.
When reality hits you hard in the head, its that realisation where your sense of purpose in life is just a massive question mark, leaving you clueless and in a desperate loss.
The misdirection and helplessness isn't just an apparent myth.
It's at that crucial point in your life where you feel that all financial support (other than from your folks) is severely inadequate.
One, there's no monthly allowance from the SAF that feeds you and satisfy your exorbitant transport urges like private car-hire firms. This then leads you to deplete your savings from the past 1 year 10 months of national service that are also extremely meagre, simply put --- pathetic. On the other hand, i really do not want to be a parasitic pest to simply leech off my folks without contributing at least to the household chores.
To solve the above problem, there needs to be an avenue for cash to start streaming in to fund my months of existence before uni starts and also to provide for my freakishly expensive degree that has relatively poor prospects (other than in the public sector and being an obedient minion of the govt.)
Money woes are the worst kind of stress factor. It is bad enough that you stay on and make a mess at home, but to continually and gradually request for cash from your parents will be kind of a tragic scenario. Especially when people of your age are already starting families and moving out to venture on their own, albeit a little too young in the SEA context...
So many thoughts now im having quite a difficult time organising them.
To be or not to be, that is the question.
This struggle constantly plagues me, whether to be an educator or a writer. Needless to say, i still feel the invisible force pulling me towards teaching while I do feel strongly obliged to satisfy my writing whims. Not that i'm a proficient writer, neither do i have a flair for languages and explicitly sycophantic and intriguing topic sentences to attract readers. However i truly feel at ease reading and writing, cultivated from that tender age of elementary school i guess?
Still trying to figure out that aim in life, and all those philosophical and mandatory checkpoints in life. The conservative mindset of Asians and various expectations that we are somewhat forced to meet in our current society. This feels increasingly worrying and late night thoughts are swallowed by these subjects at hand I really am alone and apprehensive to my future and what with the prudent technology-driven industry (given that the degree i'm about to embark on is totally redundant and irrelavant), I guess it's really all up to fate and divine forces to add that gaiety of colours and embellish my life.
Evading is not a solution, hopefully literary knowledge and the embracing of language and communication could be espoused and more valued in the next decade?
Halcyon days are long over.
